Next Time Keep Quiet

How am I supposed to react to that?
Congrats was the most logical thing to say, yeah?
I mean what else was I supposed to say, that's great? I don't care?
I do care, and it's not great so congrats was the next best thing.
I'm sorry if that upset you.
I'm sorry if it wasn't what you wanted.
Can't really think too clearly right now.
I should have just left as soon as you said that.
But I wanted to be supportive.
I wanted you to feel like you could talk to me without worrying about my reaction.
I can't stand you being upset with me.
I really wish I could just tell you fuck off.
Or be upset with you.
But I can't.
And you know why.
I'm wasting my time.
I know.
I just can't stop.
I'm sorry.

Help I’ve Lost Control of My Life, or The Story of How I Ended Up Licking Ice Cream Off of My Homework

So I was eating ice cream at the computer desk at 2 in the morning.
And I put a spoonful to my mouth and did this nifty little trick where I completely miss my mouth and just end up smooshing it into my face.
But some of it dripped onto a paper on the desk in front of me and I thought to myself  "Oh no big deal I’ll just throw it away!"
But it turned out that the paper was my homework so I ended up licking the ice cream off of it and shuffling some papers around so that you couldn’t see the stain when I turn it in.

No More Whiskey For You

This elderly lady walked into work today.
She had dark curly hair and was sporting a very bright purple hat.
I found it odd that she was wearing a dress on such a cold day but that really had nothing to do with what happened.
She walked up to the counter and was very friendly towards all of us.
She kept asking me questions, like my age, what school I went to, if I had a boyfriend.
Then she went on to tell me that she had a grandson my age who she wanted me to meet.
She was really sweet compared to some of the other customers we get.
She ordered an Irish Coffee but had to wait for Toby to get another bottle of Whiskey from the back.
While she waited for her coffee she asked me to get her a the last sandwich on the shelf.
I handed her the coffee and sandwich and rung up her total. 8. 57
I should have thought something was off when she asked to sit down for a minute because she was tired of standing, it didn't take more than 3 minutes to get her things.
Next thing I knew she grabs her things and tries to dark for the door but instead ends up running right into Toby.
The little old thing throws her coffee right at me, and let me tell you she sure had good aim.
It was like she's walked off the set of A League of Their Own, she starts shouting all sorts of things while she hits Toby with her over sized purse.
I didn't really know how to react to this, but then again I just almost gotten my face melted off so I wasn't exactly feeling sorry for her.
Our manager ended up letting her leave without making a big deal about it.
Turns out she tried that last week when Amber was working and she's also preformed several times during Open Mic Night
It sort of makes me wonder what goes on through the mind of the elderly.
I was thinking about quitting Gypsy's but after this I think I want to stick around to see what other shenanigans  happen.
Maybe I should ask for more hours.
Either way we should stop serving Irish Coffees they make people crazy.

"Hey Athena. You look like Elvis."

Simple little things send me on a frenzy.
It's like we're 13 years old and we're too shy to say things upfront so we make up little jokes about how we feel.
Does it bother me? No, not really.
I have a hard time being upfront about everything so this is good.
This is comfortable.
Although sometimes I wish things were different.
Usually when I'm confused about what is it we are doing.
You'd think that after what happened the first few times we'd know better.
That saying learn from your mistakes? You never really learn. At least I don't.
What happens when everyone else thinks it's a mistake but I don't?
These feelings will end bad. I know it and I think you do too.
Then again, I don't really know what it is you feel.
And here we are.
Doing the same thing again.
Although it's not much now, I've realized talking usually leads to more.
Will we ever learn?

"Hey Athena. You look like Elvis."
"I'm yours."

Somniphobia

I have developed this fear of sleeping.

I don't quite remember the exact moment where I developed this fear but it's been there for a while.

Maybe it was before the Greece? Or after? Maybe I've had it all my life but I haven't been able to remember? 

I don't really know.

Then again there's isn't much I do know these days. 

It's not really a fear of sleeping or not waking up.

It's more of the fear of people going on with their lives while I sleep.

I guess I don't want to get left behind...

But this fear makes me sleep during the day, when everyone is up, living their lives.

I hardly sleep for more than three hours at a time.

And when I do I go into full panic attacks.

Maybe I should speak to someone about this.

I really don't want to.

I think I'll just keep doing what I do now.

And that's staying up all night watching films in Black and White.

They make me feel better. 

Like if I have a few years to sleep off before the people on screen catch up.